Friday, November 27, 2009

Feeding the Were-Beast: Tales from the Thanksgiving Table

In addition to enjoying a meal with my family, we heard several stories about a "feeding site" in the woods near my parent's house. "Feeding what?", you might ask. Let's explore and see if we can find out.

Apparently for some time, they have been placing foodscraps and other things out near the brook, about 200 yards behind their house. All of these leftovers vanish with little trace. Dad shared that they put a huge ancient pork roast from the depths of the large chest freezer and placed it at the site, and it all disappeared over night. Then we heard the story about the deer.

My dad, who is a champion scrounger, hears from my mom about a dead deer on the road between home and work. So he tears off in his minivan with a sheet of plastic in the back to pick up the deer. Mmmmmm....roadkill.

When he gets home with the carcass, he realized he is having heart issues. One of his valves has been out of synch from time to time, which makes his blood pressure drop, etc. So he calls Mom and tells her he has to go to the hospital. She comes home (1/2 hour drive) picks him up and takes him to the hospital (1/2 hour drive) and eventually learns that there is a dead deer in the back of his car at home. She leaves the hospital (1/2 hour drive) and goes home to unload the deer - which must have smelled pretty ripe by that point.

With me so far? I can picture the scene of my Mom dragging the deer out of the back of the van, finding a clean, non bloody leg to hang onto, and the subsequent dragging of the body from the driveway, around the back of the shed, down the path and to this feeding area. Yes, my Mom is a tough septagenarian, as in she flexes and you see bulging biceps. I think I get that from her, rather than my Dad who is more wiry. Oh, and he's 76, and loading dead deer into his caravan. Spry is a good adjective.

So when Dad gets back from the hospital, needing an adjustment on his medication, they look at the feeding site, and only find a small scrap of hair - nothing is left. So they really don't know what they are feeding, yet they keep feeding it. Dad wants to set up some motion activated camera, which he will need to build from scratch along with a prototype radar system - as I said he is just that way. I just hope that whatever it is doesn't grow any bigger from all of the free food, and come knocking some night. Oh, and we're pretty sure this rules out the alleged moose that was eating their blackberries. Amy's reaction "What is that nom...nom...nom...nom sound?"

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...