Thursday, May 5, 2011

Twelve Now

the cake

Our boy, our baby, our youngest, Adam, turned twelve today. Which meant lots of things, including our sudden burst into song in honor of Adam's day.

It also meant I went through my night-before-child's-birthday weepy okaysobbing ritual, in which I kind of felt like that pinball in that song; bouncing around, pinging from one activity to the next without much direction or accomplishment, because, oh, hell, I love celebrating our children and their birthdays, but I admit they make me wistful, too. My family knows this though, so they know to stock up on tissues and they've learned to not mind awfully much, tears in the bread dough. My baby boy is twelve. Perhaps you understand.

So the boy who went to bed the night before, who was engrossed in his book, fighting heavy eyelids, who wrapped his strong arms around my neck and kissed my cheek, who told me how much he loved me, that boy is now one year closer to being something other than, well, a boy. He certainly won't be a little boy. But there were moments, when he sat there opening his gifts, that I still saw that child, mixed in with the features of a near-teen.

his new gadget

His sweetness, something Adam possesses to his core, remains evident in his look, his spontaneous hugs, his thoughtfulness. There's a kind of humor, a knowing, a whimsy in his demeanor. This is Adam. It's just who he is.

this expression
favorite cake
I see the little boy still

I have no wish to keep him a child, even if that were possible, I wouldn't want that. I am simply acknowledging that there are changes afoot, that he will soon be transforming, that these moments are fleeting. I only want to see my children, really see them, as they grow and change.

new cam
began filming immediately

I think he had a good birthday. He seemed pleased, especially as he got to know his new tool for all that movie making he does. I know we had a good day with him. He set up his new game, showed us his latest Minecraft adventures, including this video, which we watched three times (and cringed at the uh, challenged singing, trust me, hearing Adam's belly laugh is worth enduring any awful singing). Since there was nothing great playing at the movies, he elected to tuck into a favorite series (our second go-around), with dinner of a veggie plate, cake and ice cream. Once in bed, I kissed him goodnight and he scrunched me (because that's what Adam's hugs are like) a little harder. "I had a good birthday, mommy. Thank you. So much," he said. He's twelve, now. But he'll always be this sweet little boy, too. Maybe you understand?


  1. Happy birthday to Adam! I always thought that turning twelve was a big deal. The cake looks delicious and great polo shirt!

  2. Oy, that just jerks at my heartstrings. :) They grow up and it is so beautiful. How wonderful that you have been able to spend your days with him throughout his life - it makes such a huge difference to really be a close family and be a part of a boys life. I can only imagine how huge 12 feels. Good job, mama.

  3. 12 is a great age! Happy Birthday Adam. My boy is 19 now and I still get weepy on every birthday so I understand all too well. Its so magical to watch them grow into their own beings.

  4. I'm visiting from OLM...and I'm so glad I stopped by! Twelve years old--oh dear! My Benjamin is six. I will be more-than-weepy (yes, sobbing) the night before his 12th for sure! :)



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